Glenn From The Stands: Loss to Taipei Made Me Feel Numb No More

Photo credits: RM Chua

Tito Glenn from your Eat Sleep Breathe Football gang has been watching from the stands silently as football went on. The recent string of results under the returning Hans Michael Weiss has done something to rouse the Azkals fan in me. The era of Der Meistertaktiker's Blitzkrieg has begun.

I've always loved football since I was young. I never really knew why that is considering that everything in my childhood screamed basketball. My school was a top basketball team in the meets. Intramurals were always about basketball. I mean, heck, I live in the city of Iloilo but never have I ever been to any actual football games in my youth.

Yet here I am. A Chelsea supporter to the death. A Filipinas supporter 'til I die. I bleed yellow and black for Kaya. And I was deeply, deeply, passionate for the Azkals. That's the keyword. I was. I used to be so heavily invested that my mood can be severely affected by their results. And then it happened: we dropped the ball in our maiden Asian Cup appearance.

Losing my will wasn't a sudden thing. I continued to put my lot behind the team and the management running it. But as the string of losses continued, I felt that it was as if the players were no longer in it. I see bodies moving, but I don't see their hearts anymore.

Then the rest of Philippine Football caught up when the Filipinas rocked the stage. And to be honest, I even told the ESBF gang that I will support them to the very end. But it still feels different when it's about the Azkals. Supporting the Filipinas felt like I was supporting a friend. When my friend succeeds, I feel happy. I celebrate with them.

But the Azkals felt like an embodiment of me. An extension of me. Their loss made me feel pain. Their victories made me feel invincible. So seeing the Azkals no longer putting their backs to it, I felt numb. The losses started becoming an expectation. The victories, if there were even any, felt like pure luck and undeserved.

The management situation made it worse. We couldn't settle on who the leader would be. People with power and influence tried making their own marks on the team. It came to a point that I've completely given up on them. Then came today.

Coming off a win from Nepal, we had a game in our hands with Chinese Taipei who came off from a strong effort against regional powerhouse Thailand with a 2-2 draw. With that impressive draw in mind, we were already writing the Philippines off through half-meant jokes in our own little football inner circles.

Then it happened: the Philippines showed this glimmer of hope.

Photo credits: RM Chua

The Azkal youngsters working with the OG veterans. Fifty-fifty challenges were fought tooth and nail. The buildups felt like they had purpose. They were finally putting in a fight. There was this feeling that we could come out on top for once.

Taipei drawing first blood was disappointing at first. Yen-shu Wu scored with plenty of luck as his free kick bounced off Mike Ott, floating beyond the reach of Neil Etheridge. But it looked to be a necessary scenario because the men in the feathered red and blue started baring their fangs right after.

Our midfielders were bursting with speed. Our forwards were eager to have a crack at goal. All that early hard work paid off for Ott after being awarded a penalty. He got the better of his defender when he was in an excellent position to score inside the box. There was enough contact between them for the referee to point to the spot.

Bang! Penalty taken as cool as you like. Equalizer. Game on, Philippines!

Our now confident side started bossing the game. Chinese Taipei would fall victim to the Azkals' relentless attacks. It all seemed that the visitors would break at any moment. And break they did when Patrick Reichelt was gifted a perfectly weighted pass.

He did well to outmaneuver his marker, then chipping the ball cleverly and beautifully well beyond the reach of Pan Wen-Chieh. It was at this point that I could no longer hold back. Fist pumps, loud screams, I was in euphoria. And the Philippines were well on their way to a surprise victory.

But then the game changed after halftime. They were not as sharp at the back. Taipei pressed against us, hard. And with that, we finally broke.

Yu Yao-Hsing put the game level shortly after the second half. Then Ling Ming-Wei stole it from us at the death. In the end, we take in another loss. But this time, this loss, it all felt... different. I used to feel unimpressed... indifferent. I used to not care whether we lost or not because we all knew inside that we'd be losing the game.

I used to feel numb to the results because they were always the same. And I've been feeling this way for a while now. But I feel this way no longer.

For the first time, this loss made me feel frustrated. It made me feel angry. We were merely inches away from coming out on top, but we slipped and dropped it at the end. The match was friendly just in the name only because the lads played like it was an important match.

Was that a perfect match? Heck no. Far from it, in fact. Our back line could use a boost. We've not had a reliable Center Back for a while. And although Carli de Murga, one of Weiss' OGs, was doing a decent job, we know that we could do better. But it showed me something about the Azkals that I've almost all but forgotten. And that was to hope for Philippine Football.

Credit and respect where it is due, the Women carried the flag and the nation on their backs after working so hard away from the limelight. They took the slack from the Men as they were curling into fetal position reeling from their poor streak. They paid their dues and busted their ass to be the new front and center of Philippine football. They deserve every good thing that came to them and more.

But please forgive me when I say that with the new hope the Azkals bring, I feel that a part of me is alive again. I feel that it's okay to hope again. I feel numb no more.